So, as 2008 is on it’s way out, and 2009 comes rushing in, promising shiny things and fresh beginnings (much like many politicians, they mush be in cahoots), it seems everybody is writing blog posts about how 2008 was and what they want out of 2009. We all know that if everybody jumped off a bridge, I might consider doing so as well, so here I am, writing my obligatory Farewell 2008, Hello 2009 post.
I won’t lie and say that 2008 was a great year, or that it was the best I’ve ever had, or that it was easy, because, well… it wasn’t. Not by any stretch of the imagination. On the same note though, it wasn’t all bad either, and certainly wasn’t the worst year of my life.
Even though it’s been almost 2 years since I moved to Portland (and even though I absolutely LOVE it here and will likely not be leaving), it’s still hard to be so far away from my family, and for my friends who know me the best. I have some great friends up here and I love them dearly and am very thankful for them, but they can’t replace the gap in my heart that was once filled by people who have known me for 6+ years, and some who have known me almost my entire life. I kind of live in a shell; my friends here don’t really *know* me because of it, and sometimes I feel alone, and like nobody will really understand how I am feeling, or why I do some of the things I do.
I also went through a relatively bad break up earlier in the year (I say relatively because I’ve heard of far worse breakups, but most of mine have been much less painful than this one) that was kind of like going through a divorce, the way we had to separate belongings. It took me a while to get over that.
I’ve moved, and started a new job, and lost friends, and made new friends, and had financial difficulties, and my car broke down, and there was a death in the family, and I’ve have had my ups and downs. Some days I feel more like I’m simply surviving and not really living. Much of my life is still under “trial by fire” status, and I don’t feel like I have any more direction in my life than I had last year…
But it’s okay.
I made it through 2008 a little battered and bruised, but not broken. At the end of the day, I do have good friends here, and a boyfriend that cares about me, even if we have our good days and bad days, and I know that if it ever came down to it, I could be in LA with my family if I need it. I may only be surviving at the moment, but I’m still in one piece. Even if I’m only wandering right now, I know eventually I’ll find my path, and things will straighten out..
2009 may not have all the shiny things I need, but I know I’ll pull through and be that much closed to whatever my ultimate goal is.
